my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
