Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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