Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
