ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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