i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
