her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
