I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
