Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
