what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
