please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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