I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
