Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Actions speak louder than pants.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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