stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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