if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What drink are we having for lunch?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
