The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
