I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
