I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
