Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love having hate sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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