Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
