Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
