Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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