woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
