Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
