just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
