i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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