It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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