I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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