my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
