if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
