i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
