She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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