I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
