Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
