he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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