my mouth tastes like poor choices
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
