I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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