i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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