Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
