You can't motorboat a personality
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
