When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
