Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
