Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
