mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
