Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
