Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
