i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
