I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
