i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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