A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
