he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
