I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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