You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
