so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
